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Friday, June 5th, 2020
10:48 am
are we still here

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Friday, October 23rd, 2009
1:17 am - LOOK AT THIS
Look at this link, you will not regret it

http://bln.gs/b/1o4h30

Seriously, look at it.


(that is my dog)

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Monday, July 13th, 2009
3:53 pm
So I am tentatively going to return after days of moping around, eating pizza, watching Lord of the Rings, daydreaming about Conrad Veidt and plotting murder.

I even decided to be goth and visit the local cemetery for the first time, which is hilarious because I used to be ridiculously terrified of graveyards to the point of freaking out if I could even see one in the distance. Now I actually walked through a big one! BELA LUGOSI'S DEAD...  The black clothes protected me from the ghosts but not from the crazy Irish man who talked to me for TWO HOURS straight before I had to sneakily leave. Sorry, Irish man, but jesus. Two hours and you didn't even catch on to my LITTLE HINTS that I had to leave. "I HAVE TO GO NOW, I AM HUNGRY."
Also, I think I saw one of those stone above ground coffin things open at the bottom and I think I saw a skeleton foot  D8

I am not coping as well as I would like, but I'm still here and when I'm not being a huge weepy mess I am getting by okay. I am very lonely, though as I lost pretty much the only person I spent any time with. YES I AM A SADDO OKAY but mostly I just have acquaintences and most of my friends are all scattered across the country.

Connie is keeping me company in my heart. :( OKAY so I thought I'd return and hit you all with a fucking MEME because thats how I roll so here is the meme and I hope you do it too! (I love memes, seriously, I love them. And I love you too.)

NOW I AIN'T SAYIN' HE A GRAVEDIGGER... )


GODDAMN LIVEJOURNAL IS HAAAAAARD :(

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Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
7:42 pm
I am going away for a while. Stay happy, everyone. El_Dangeroso_XP, I'm sorry I didn't give you your words.

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1:11 am
I know I try to keep this place upbeat. I try to show a side of me that is happy and careless. But I'm sorry, I'm not going to be able to do that anymore.

Something very bad has just happened that may have very serious consequences in my life and I can't do it anymore. The thing I've be frightened of happening for a year and a half just happened. It was inevitable, but it went a little differently than planned.

I've lost the person who meant the most to me and in the process I may lose many others too. I can't go into details, it's too complicated and I'm not clear headed right now.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm scared. I'm scared of being on my own.

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Friday, July 3rd, 2009
10:05 pm - BABY DUCK ADVENTURE
BABY DUCK ADVENTURE: As well as sounding like the name of a most likely badly translated snes game from Japan, Baby Duck Adventure is also what happened to me today! IT WENT A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS...

So me and a friend were planning to meet up for lunch and because of this (meeting up for lunch) I was very excited, because anyone who knows me will know that I just damn love food. WELL, I finally got to our lunch destination and waited for my friend to arrive. I had worn a stupid big oversized jumper because it had looked cold outside SILLY ME. I was boiling, it was horrible, so I took it off and tied it around my waist like I was cool and it was the 90s.

SO FINALLY my friend arrives. I see him walking towards me in the distance and AT THAT EXACT FUCKING MOMENT a tiny figure falls a rather long way from a big box of flowers and stuff on top of a long pole outside a pub. It then starts all flailing and stuff on the ground and I am a little worried. I give my friend a quick hello and then rush over to the small, now still figure and see it is a little baby duck in shock, all looking all scared and cute.

I pick it up and try to make sure it is not hurt. It looks okay, just a little stressed. Me and my friend decide to put the duck down near the high up nest as my friend had seen its mother and we hoped she wouldn't fail horribly in her maternal duties and would save her little baby duckling. We then walked away and watched from a distance to make sure everything went okay.

WELL APPARENTLY BABY DUCKS ARE RETARDED because it kept running into the road when cars were coming. Cue me running like an idiot and herding it back to safety. After it had done this far too many times for us to feel good about leaving it to the fate of being stupid and getting hit by a car my friend suggested we take it all the way back to my apartment and call the RSPCA, forgoing lunch.

Okay! We are nice people! We will have... A BABY DUCK ADVENTURE! So we walk all the way back to my flat, with me holding this tiny duckling as it chirps away in what I can only imagine is duck for "PUT ME DOWN YOU FUCKERS, HELP ME DUCK POLICE".

We got to my flat and got a little box, filled it with tissue and placed the duckling in it before looking on the nets for the RSPCA phone number. As my friend phoned them, the little duckling kept almost dozing off in the warm little box, it was adorable.  I also discarded my horribly warm jumper (this is important).

Well, the woman on the phone basically said "Take it back and put it in the vicinity of its nest, goddamn" so thats what we did. We took it, in its little box, and walked all the way back and during this time IT STARTED PISSING DOWN WITH RAIN so me and my friend get, quite literally, soaked. But we protected the duckling because we are nice.

We got back and put the little duckling, in its box, close by to the nest, hoping it wouldn't continue its hobby of being an idiot and jump out and run into the road or anything. My friend had a quick drink with me and then had to go back to work. I, being unemployed and useless to society, stayed and had lunch on my own. I had vegetable lasagne and onion rings, it was lovely. On the way out I went to check on Oswald, which is what I had decided to call the duckling.

The box was gone.

SOMEONE STOLE OSWALD.

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Monday, June 29th, 2009
3:39 pm
Watch this if you are feeling sad. Watch this if you are feeling happy! Watch this if you are feeling nothing at all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ol2fN0bZCso

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Saturday, June 27th, 2009
1:55 pm - THANK YOU LITHARRIEL FOR LETTING ME PLAY HOORAY
Okay, this is the WORDS game, and how you play is like this: You reply to this post with a comment of 'WORDS' or some sort of varient and then I give you five words that remind me of you. Then you post the rules in your journal and also the five words, writing what they mean to you. LET'S HAVE FUN WITH THIS GAME.

Here were my five words:

1. Goblins: OKAY WOW, what a word to start with. What do goblins mean to me? HMM.
Well, goblins mean a whole lot to me. Goblins are, in my opinion, the embodiment of all the fun things in life. Let's face it - Goblins just live to have fun. They drink in excess, they eat in excess, they love to dance and sing (badly) and they also love to make fun of people. This isn't because they are mean, it is because humour is a goblin's favourite thing and if they see humour they take it! So, just so you all know, if I make fun of you, this does not necessarily mean I don't like you. It means I am making fun of you and hopefully someone else is laughing along, too. That is my ultimate goal. To make people laugh.
Goblins have no way of censoring themselves, they say what they think and they do what they want. They live on impulse and don't like rules and restrictions. I think this is why so many stories about them involve people being afraid of them. At their core, goblins offend every once-admired human trait. Christianity came along and heard stories about faeries and stuff and was like "WHOA these things are not like us in any way, they're pretty scary".
People are also afraid of things that are unpredictable. Human's are taught to try and control or even hide their emotions and goblins (and fae in general) do not tend to follow this rule. Emotions are worn on sleeves and they are almost invariable very different to human emotions and this adds another element of the alien to these creatures. They are so like humans in some ways and yet absolutely, fundamentally unlike them. I think this is why, in so many stories, goblins tend to like children. Goblins are far more like children than adults.
Children dislike rules and authority generally, don't have any real concept of censoring their opinions, and express their emotions freely and without shame. They are the ultimate innocents, and for this we have to remember that 'innocent' doesn't necessarily mean 'nice'. Children are mean and have nasty senses of humours. They like to make fun of things.  Like goblins! You see, if a goblin sees an opportunity for a joke, even if it's at someone's expense, they will take it, and if someone else gets offended then the goblin's attitude will probably be "I was only joking, what's the problem".
In this way, I can imagine that anyone who lets their inner goblin take control in human society would very quickly find they've burnt a whole ton of bridges and have caused trouble without intending to.
I think that people admire so many qualities of the goblin, but at the same time they are unnattainable for us because of how society has been structured. Without rules, self control, manners and respect for people who have authority over you, society would fall apart. And perhaps it would be better for it? And perhaps it wouldn't! 
Perhaps, in my opinion, the most admirable quality of a goblin is that they don't just hand out respect because they are expected to. You could be a peasant or a king and it wouldn't matter. You have to earn a goblin's respect, not expect it or assume you have it. Remember, goblins love taking people down a peg or two if they feel the person needs it. And they probably think that way about most people. I love goblins and forever will.

2. Wine: Oh god, wine. My worst hangovers ever have been due to wine. My advice in general is just don't drink this fucking stuff. It is so good but CHRIST it will kill you if you don't have any concept of self control. Use wine sensibly okay :( I'm very serious here. I also once heard of a woman giving herself a wine enema and as well as being kind of gross, I can only imagine that led to horrible things for her. Why would you do that, lady? You can't even taste the wine at that end. Or at least I hope not. I bet her internet friends thought she was cool, though!

3. Puppies: Oh, puppies. I cannot even tell you how wonderful puppies are. I can be amazingly sad and just the sight of a puppy will cheer me up. There is something about a happy, wobbly puppy that just switches on that LIGHT OF JOY inside me and oh man, I would love to work with puppies. I would have a daily dose of happiness. Of course, I feel this way about dogs in general, and I love them beyond reason, but an excited puppy, with its stumpy legs, big paws and fat tummy is something so special and totally unmatched in pure, unadulterated joy. Whenever I see a puppy I want to put its face in my mouth and I am not sure why, but I always do. It's like "Oh no, puppy, your face is in a big cave!' haha. Oh man. Just writing this is making me giggle with happiness. Puppies also make cute sounds and I love it when they try and bark for the first time, it's all "Keep trying little man, you'll get better at it soon!". I still believe that there should be puppy therapy. I think it will work, truly. Only those without hearts (metaphorically and also perhaps literally) could be unnaffected by the company of happy puppies. You now have a room full of friends! And they might pee on you, but that's okay, they just love you and are excited, that's all. Also, this is slightly weird coming after the pee comment, but puppies smell cute, too. They even fucking SMELL cute. I always think they kind of smell like baby milk. Oh eheeheehee. Sometimes, a puppy is so cute I just want to cry from the amazing feeling of cute tugging at my esophagus. And then I would cuddle the puppy (and put its face in my mouth).

4. Optimism: Optimism! Is a good thing. Not only is it a good thing, I would go as far to say that it is a VITAL thing! Look around you, friends, and see a world of misery and self loathing and emos and goths. What people need is a good slap in the face in the form of blind, irritatingly enthusiastic optimism. We need people to be OVERLY optimistic to make up for all the pessimism in the world. We need to make some sort of group of people who are just really unnecessarily happy all the goddamn time and hope it rubs off on other people a little bit. Personally, I find outrageous optimism in the face of impossible odds to be quite liberating! Unless it's an actual real problem like zombie apocalpyse or something, then you are allowed to be a bit sad.

5. Brian Froud: Brian Froud is easily one of my favourite artists and has been involved in my spiritual growth in a lot of ways. I don't even know how to really explain it without sounding like a crazy person, but ever since I saw Labyrinth Brian Froud's work has had a profound impact on my life. When I read Fairies and then went on to read Froud's other books, a lot of things fell into place for me and if I ever meet Brian Froud I will shake his hand and say 'thank you', and I will mean it. I will mean it. We all need that level of magic in our lives.



NOW YOU GO >>> 3 2 1

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Friday, June 26th, 2009
6:28 pm
Please do not drink two bottles of wine (and one glass of cider) in one night. Please please please dear god oh please don't do this. It's not a good idea even if it seems like it at the time. May my suffering be a beacon for the world.

I have never had a worse hangover in my life and I have had a few but dear god. Was this some sort of ghostly revenge for making jokes about Michael Jackson? Dude knew I thought he was cool, I'm sure he don't mind a few jokes here and there. I am sorry, spirit of Michael. I am sorry.

At least this time I had a hangover in my own home instead of in the woods in the middle of nowhere in the freezing cold I guess.

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12:34 am
michael are you okay, are you okay, are you okay michael

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Friday, June 12th, 2009
11:55 pm - Serious post
I just found out an old friend of mine died today in a motorcycle accident. His name was Adrian and he was one of the funniest, nicest guys I've ever known. He leaves behind a wife and teenaged son. Nobody I've known so well and been close to has died before in my life and I'm sort of in shock. Guy always had a smile on his face, I never saw him grumpy at all and he could cheer up a room just by walking into it. It's an old cliche but damn if it isn't true about Adrian. He just had a great aura about him. So many times he'd have me in tears with his joking around and he very rarely took anything seriously.

Goddamn, this is so awful. He was the kind of guy who could even put up with annoying teenagers and be patient and nice to them when everyone else was getting irritated. He was the kind of guy who would greet a stranger as if they were an old friend. A very outgoing, warm and all around great person.

Shit.  Hope you're up there in whatever heaven may exist, rocking out with history's most awesome dudes, Adrian. You were great and I know there's gonna be so many people feeling a loss tonight, even if they hadn't seen you in a while like me. You're just the kind of dude who stays in a person's memory for all the right reasons.

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Thursday, May 14th, 2009
12:23 am
HEY GUYS so uh, without going into all kinds of DEPRESSING DETAILS I could pretty much use some cheering up right now so, uh, if you have anything that is cheering up worthy, please post it because SHIT I am kind of down.


SORRY

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Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
12:50 am
I


GOT


THE

DEPRESSION


goddammit I said I wouldn't do this shit

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Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
10:39 pm

Represeeeent

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Sunday, October 26th, 2008
9:48 pm
I think there should be some sort of business which comprises of people with dogs. And they use the dogs to cheer people up. So it's a place that people can go when they are having a bad time and they can just spend as much time as they like having just the best old time with the dogs and cheering up. That would be the best sort of place. I really would like a place like that to go to right now. :(

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Friday, October 24th, 2008
12:38 am
Today was turning out to be a pretty bad day so I decided to make it better and had cheese and pickle sandwiches. That made the day a little better. I love cheese and pickle sandwiches.

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Thursday, October 9th, 2008
11:36 pm
Thank you all for your words of encouragment RE: worm problem. I scoured the kitchen and cleaned it all and couldn't find any more so I'm guessing the little dude had come in on my shopping or something. He is now no longer with us. I squashed him and then felt bad because I usually do not kill anything at all. I'm sorry little worm dude. I hope you come back as something awesome. I also hope you do not come looking for revenge.

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Wednesday, October 8th, 2008
10:08 pm - INITIATE OCD FREAKOUT MODE
Oh god. I am pretty freaked out. I just found a tiny, tiny little dude of a worm in my kitchen, all just flippin' his way across my counter, all bein' all white and creepy. He is seriously really small, like probably less than a centimetre long and really skinny. Now my reason for FREAKOUT MODE is this: where there is one, there is many. That is how these things usually go. So now I am hiding upstairs, too scared to venture into the kitchen and search for any more of those little dudes incase they all just fall out of a cupboard or something going SURPRISE ITS US. :(

I am getting all creepy crawly and uuuh, my OCD is not liking this at all, I am pretty much feeling kind of frightened over this.
He is tiny and white and is creepy as the dickens the way he just kind of flips about. I trapped him under a glass before I fled the area. He was last seen standing on his edge and just spinning around like some kind of horrible worm carnival act.

What if there are more :( What if they are infesting my kitchen somewhere? 

Help. What is this worm and is there probably going to be a big posse f them hiding somewhere to scare me? I have to go down soon as it's time to take my medication which I FOOLISHLY keep in the kitchen thnking it a safe area.

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Thursday, September 4th, 2008
5:46 pm - the cutest little goblin of them all
more like the chubbiest little goblin of them all.

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Sunday, August 17th, 2008
3:51 am
So hey guess what, I just got a new flat, woohoo. I am renting so it technically is not mine, but it is a nice flat. It is what we in the business call a DUPLEX APARTMENT with a MEZZANINE BEDROOM THING and also it has a KITCHEN and an UPSTAIRS BATHROOM and a DOWNSTAIRS TOILET. Pretty exciting!!!!

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